This story is about the author's Chihuahua named Pee Wee Herman. The author mentions that while most people around her are having kids, she has a dog instead. Pee Wee is spoiled and has several heated beds that he sleeps in for most of the day. He has a strict schedule and follows it religiously. Pee Wee can be aggressive and will bite if someone goes near his food or treats. Despite his aggressive behavior, the author finds his antics amusing and thinks he is a jerk.